What Marriage Used to Mean

Author, Angela Crouch shares her viewpoint:

I have seen a growing trend among the people around me, and throughout the world, to question whether or not marriage is worth it anymore, since most of the benefits of being legally and lawfully joined in matrimony can be made available to any couple. Isn’t it just a piece of paper?

Others fight for that piece of paper and legal designation, and by so doing seek to change the fundamental precepts that marriage was founded on — aka “redefining marriage”. With my “old fashioned” view on marriage, I find it hard to understand, or condone either of these.
This is what marriage used to mean and still means to me: 

First, look at government’s stake in, and society’s purpose for marriage through most of human history.

As Thomas Sowell, one of America’s brilliant minds put it this way: “In the absence of the institution of marriage, the individuals could arrange their relationship whatever way they wanted to, making it temporary or permanent, and sharing their worldly belongings in whatever way they chose. Marriage means that the government steps in, limiting or even prescribing various aspects of their relations with each other — and still more, their relationship with whatever children may result from their union. In other words, marriage imposes legal restrictions, taking away rights that individuals might otherwise have.”

With this understanding it makes sense why some couples like the “just a piece of paper” argument. I mean, who wants the Government to have any say in their personal relationships? However, the main focus of society’s past interest in marriage was because of the children that usually result from the union of a man and a woman. It happens.  Deal with it.  But society needed to make sure that those children were taken care of.

“Marriage is the institution that maximizes the likelihood that the two of them would take the
responsibility of raising that child.”

He stated further: “The state’s interest in marriage is not that it cares about my love life, or your love life, or anyone’s love life just for the sake of romance. The state’s interest in marriage is ensuring that those kids have fathers who are involved in their lives.”

Completely logical, but for most people, especially Christians, marriage means much more.

My friend Mary Hawkins expressed the viewpoint of most Christians:

Old fashioned? I don't think so. Not when the meaning of what marriage is has stood for thousands of years. I strongly believe that every person NOT committed to God and His son, Jesus, may indeed have the freedom of choice in relationships. What I do very strongly object to is the demand it still be called marriage so it has all the safeguards and rights governments have made for true marriage. this whole trend just makes me extremely sad - and fearful for our beloved nation.

Well said! Thanks for your very clear comment Mary. 

COMING SOON: To all of you, my readers, who having been following this Inspirational Romance blog, I have an announcement.
In the next couple of weeks this blog will have a new name - Rita Stella Press.com  It will be similar, but will allow me more leeway to write about a wide range of topics.

Thanks for your interest during this time. I believe you will enjoy the new blog just as much.
God bless you

Rita Stella 

PERSISTENT PRAYER PAYS!

Dorothy was shocked. She's just been informed on her first     date with a young man that he'd been specifically praying for the Lord to reveal His will about marriage to HER!

This followed several months of his letters and phone calls, but she hadn't expected anything like this. A marriage proposal when she hadn't ever thought of him that way? Although convinced that marriage to the one whom God would lead her to, she thought it kinder to let him down gently. Saying she'd give it some thought, she wrote some days later. She assured Fred she had nothing personal against him, but believed they'd be nothing more than  'just friends'.

Even though saddened at her reply, he answered and told her he'd continue praying about it. This troubled Dorothy because of her unwillingness to bring God into their situation. Consequently she also began to pray about this. Was he God's choice?

Some months later, they met by chance, said a brief 'hello' to each other and moved on. Well, Dorothy admitted she could not believe her strong emotional reaction to that brief encounter. Her whole attitude had completely changed.

But what about Fred? After so much time had passed, had he lost interest? Ah, she forgot about his persistence in praying about her. And it wasn't too much longer before she welcomed his attentions again. They discovered so much in common and each were convinced that God had put the love in their hearts for each other in the first place.

 These two shared a great marriage. 'Not perfect,' Dorothy adds, 'because we're imperfect humans, But our marriage was one of working together, supporting and caring for each other and the three children with whom we were blessed.'

I attend the same community church with Dorothy. And her son is our pastor.
Thanks for sharing, my friend. 

BEST FRIENDS

Glenys Wright says that John is still her best friend and continues to make her feel special.

I think it's nice to hear a girl make that particular statement after 45 years of marriage!

She shares how they met:

I first was aware of John when I was in my early teens. At the time I was with a group of girls who attended a Sunday school which was an outreach of  the larger Bankstown Gospel Chapel. And from there we were encouraged to attend the morning church service. This young man caught my eye and I liked him from the start.

However, he was three years older than I - a big difference at that age - therefore I'm sure I didn't even appear on his radar! In fact John was considered a bit of a 'larrikin' by the church elders. He had his own car and screeched the tires coming to and from church.

Being extremely shy and lacking self esteem, I was caught unawares when John asked me out. I was only sixteen at the time and he managed to make me feel very special. We continued on as a couple before John finally asked me to marry him. As I had just turned seventeen, he first asked permission from my parents.

We were married in 1969 and like most married couples we have had our ups and downs. However we have been so blessed by God as we have two grown children and two beautiful grandsons, Mitchell and Jayden. And after so many years of marriage I still say John remains my best friend.

STELLA, my mother

I want to celebrate Stella Violet Kinnear, my darling mum, on Mother's Day. She is now with the Lord but still remains in my heart.

Did I receive my writing abilities from her? No. Stella was one of those active on-the-go wives and mothers who didn't have all that much time for reading. But she soon realized I loved reading and encouraged me.

Her mother, Beatrice, was a real dreamer and always to be found with her nose in a book. Oh, yes many a time wisps of smoke came from the kitchen where a nice dinner was sacrificed to the arts. Thinking back, I wonder why my mum didn't resent that and make sure her daughter would follow a more practical turn of mind.

Stella was also an artist (from her father, Harrie Mackie Kinnear, a Scot.) It came to the fore when, during the Second World War with Dad in the RAAF, money was scarce. She hand made jewelry from bread! Beautiful little flowers coloured and baked in the oven. She also designed patterns for Patons Knitting Company and I was the recipient of lovely little jumpers, cardigans and hats. All this was enough to make a deposit on a small house.

By that time she'd become a savvy business woman and some years later she sent me to art school and began a ceramics studio in our backyard named Gymea Pottery. Dad cast various shapes of clay, and we two women decorated it with Aboriginal Art and Australian flowers and fauna. Then it would be fired to the bisque state, glazed and fired again to 1,000 degrees Centigrade. It was a real hit with American business folk who were involved in the Kurnell Oil Refineries at the time. Many would come to buy and ask about the stories behind each piece. I loved telling those stories!

But similar to the book business today, the markets became flooded. How could we compete with cheap pottery from China? Never mind that it wasn't authentic Australian Art.  We closed up and gave the big kilns to Gymea Technical College. (They had the expense of hiring a crane and removing one of the walls.)

Full book cover

My darling mother was never able to read even one of my books, because she'd gone before they were published. Oh, that still hurts me, because in her later years, she too had taken up reading. But there's a lot of my life with her and Nan among the Aboriginal folk in my first book, Fire in the Rock. All changed of course in its fictional sense. And now my new book, The Tie That Binds, is a stand-alone, but it follows on from Signed Sealed Delivered.  I became aware that the heroine's longing to find her mother is a part of my longing for my mum who has gone to be with her Lord.

My book's theme is: Everything can change in a heartbeat.  This statement has now become my brand and logo represented by the little open heart of  Rita Stella Press  soon to go online.

That is such a truism in all our lives. We are all just one heartbeat away from changed circumstances whatever they happen to be - wonderful or tragic. Is there any one of you who have been estranged from your mother? Please dear ones, change that situation before you'll have to live with regrets for the rest of your life. Forgiveness comes from God.

WORTHWHILE WAITING

Evelyn gladly shared how she and her future husband met and married.

We met when we were both 16 back in 1974 at a local supermarket where we both had after school jobs. Wayne had already been working there for several months when I started, so he was immediately interested in the new girl in the fridge section, which I wasn’t aware of at the time.  He showed his initial interest in me by offering me Fantales from the ‘broken stock’ box. I thought that was sweet.

I fell desperately in love with this handsome young man who was mature beyond his years and who treated me like a real lady. The following year Wayne went on to do an Electrical apprenticeship and the year after that I went to Teachers College. As we were both still living at home while establishing our careers, we saw very little of each other during the week which was hard to bear. Weekends involved drives in the country, trips to the beach, going to restaurants with friends, picnics and family get-togethers.

We had a wonderful blossoming relationship filled with love and laughter. As with all relationships, I recall a period where we were not getting along so well. The pressures of work and study were taking their toll and our relationship became a little strained for a while. I unwisely suggested that maybe we should have a break away from each other for a short while to allow a cooling off period and a testing of our true devotion to each other. Wayne said an emphatic “No” to my suggestion stating that when two people are married they can’t have “a break away” from each other. So he gave me an ultimatum. He said that we either weathered the storm or we split permanently!

Well I was not about to allow this handsome young man to walk out of my life, so we ‘got over it’ and ‘got on with it’. I look back now and appreciate his wisdom as these times come and go in every relationship and it’s certainly not time to bail out. With perseverance and devotion the dry times pass and the warmth and fun returns.

We dated for 5 years saving ourselves chastely for our married life. We had discussed marriage many times and were determined to tie the knot but my college study had to be finished first before trying to juggle a new marriage with study. That’s why we dated for 5 years; waiting until I graduated.

We had not bargained on me being appointed to a school in the country as we were desperately in love and keen to be married. We had assumed that I would get a posting nearby my home but this was not the case. I was sent to a country town named Kandos, 3 hours’ drive away and I was devastated. I reluctantly moved to the country taking up my teaching post and spent only a few minutes each day talking to Wayne from a pay phone down the street. I had no telephone in my teacher housing flat and there were no mobile phones in those days. I found this very difficult and just wanted to be close to the man I loved. We were engaged three months later and planned to marry the following January. Then, after I had settled into one country school I was given a transfer to Bathurst and my heart broke all over again. I had found my feet in Kandos and was enjoying the school if not the distance from my fiancée. So I reluctantly moved again but this time Wayne obtained a job in the country and moved out closer to where I was living

We were married on 5^th January 1980 which was the beginning of a wonderfully blessed and happy marriage. In November of that same year, we accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as our Saviour which began another new journey – as a Christian family. The Lord blessed us with 4 adorable children over the next few years and we chose for me to put my teaching career on hold while I stayed at home raising our babies. This was a difficult time with one income and four little children but the Lord provided and we managed to feed and clothe them until they were all in school when I went back to teaching. I have never regretted the time I spent staying home raising those children. They don’t come trained and training children is a difficult job but they have all grown up to become sensible, mature, well adjusted, devoted Christian adults who are all married now, with beautiful Christian spouses and have given us 5 wonderful grandchildren.

We have been married 35 years now and it’s 40 years since we first became an item and what a wonderful 40 years that has been. We are still very much in love and are inseparable companions and the best of friends. There is no-one else in this world we would rather spend our time with as we are happy in each other’s company. The problem is that we still don’t get enough time together with work commitments and family responsibilities. Even children with children need time and attention, as do aging parents.

We thank God for each other, for our wonderful marriage, for our exceptionally beautiful children and our wonderful grandchildren. He has provided everything we have needed when we have needed it, and has answered our prayers along the way too numerable times to count. We have been able to serve Him in our home, running bible studies and fellowship meetings for lots of children and adults, teaching Sunday school for over 20 years and Wayne serving as a director at the Orange Christian School for many years while I was a teacher there also. So we have had many opportunities to share the love of Jesus with those the Lord has brought across our paths and the greatest joy of all was seeing our four beautiful children all come to saving faith in Jesus Christ and go on to love Him and serve Him and marry Christian partners. What a great joy!

What a blessed and happy 40 years we have had. We trust the Lord for the days to come and anticipate many more wonderful blessings from Him who loved us enough to die for our sins and save us for eternity. He wrapped His loving arms around us, gave us salvation in 1980 and has carried us lovingly through the last 35 years. We thank God for this testimony and give Him the glory.

Thanks Evelyn for such a heartwarming testimony of God's blessing in your lives.