BECAUSE I SAID FOREVER

The U-Haul truck parked in our driveway confirmed the
truth. My husband Randy was moving away. Not just across town or to a motel for a few nights, but to a rural community five hours away. The lump that kept rising in my throat gave way to sobs. We held each other and wept.


How could I say good-bye? This was my Randy--the sweet guy from Cincinnati who could run faster than a gazelle.


We couldn’t stand the thought of being apart after high school graduation, so we applied to the same schools. In spite of our parents’ concerns because we were young, we both decided on the same college in western Pennsylvania. Soon we were planning a wedding. 

We promised to love, honor, and cherish each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. We didn’t have any idea of what the future held or what love would require of us.

We didn’t have the maturity to understand what real love is—love that isn’t self-seeking, but looks out for the other’s needs first. Instead, our idea of love was framed by contemporary culture and a flimsy notion: Love means never having to say you’re sorry. We quickly learned we had to say sorry a lot. 

As I watched Randy drive away that night into the Seattle drizzle, it was all I could do to keep from running after him. This time I knew love wasn’t enough, at least the kind of love that doesn’t require the best in

someone or hold them accountable for their actions. I could no longer deny the severity of Randy’s drinking problem. After a succession of alcohol treatment programs, counselors, DUI’s, financial losses and trips to the detox unit at the hospital, I made some difficult decisions. I faced the harsh reality: Randy’s alcoholism wasn’t only destroying our marriage and our family. If he wasn’t able to stay sober, he would die.

“I love you,” I told him. “I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself by drinking. I am committed to you and our marriage forever. I will be here when you are ready to live with me without alcohol.” With every ounce of strength I could muster, I asked Randy to move out. And I meant it.

 

And so we began what turned out to be the longest season of our lives.

Then on a golden fall morning two years after we had said goodbye, Randy and I stood at the altar again. Friends from our new community filled the tiny log church we attended. Our grown sons, Chris and Jeremy, stood beside us as our best men. We promised to love, honor, and cherish each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. And this time, we knew beyond any doubt that God’s love in and through us would never fail. 

Deb Kalmbach is the coauthor of Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in a Not-So-Perfect Marriage and the author of a book for children, Corey’s Dad Drinks Too Much. She has also contributed to The New Women’s Devotional Bible and Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace. She speaks to women about the real hope we have in Christ for facing real life issues. Deb and her husband, Randy, have recently celebrated 40+ years of not-so-perfect marriage. They live in a tiny town in eastern Washington State. www.debkalmbach.com

Thank you so much for sharing with us Deb.    Follow me on Twitter:   @RitaSGalieh

DO I REALLY KNOW MY SPOUSE?

Is there something I should know?                         

Is he/she doing something behind my back?  
Or living a double life, married to someone in 
another part of the world. It is not uncommon for
a married husband to keep a mistress in other
countries or cities where they travel for business.

It also happens to wives who feel neglected. They make take on a "lover".
Take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions:


1. What makes he or she feel loved?  ( quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts and acts of service).

2. What is his or hers favorite hobby?  Favorite color?  Favorite food?

3. What makes him or her laugh?

This week, why not take some time to nurture your relationship.  How?

1. Look into your spouse’s eyes when listening.
2. Holding hands is a simple way to show love.
3. Schedule a date night and do something that does not include discussing the finances.
4. Give one compliment (or more) every day.
5. Pray for wisdom. God wants His children to have happy marriages.

 Remember: It's worth every effort to heal and mend a marriage in danger of breaking up.

Follow me on Twitter  @RitaSGalieh

Is Attraction Enough?

When that initial attraction to the opposite sex  happens to you ahead into a relationship without weighing up whether this person may be attracted to you for very different reasons?

Women have an inbuilt desire to be loved. Men have a natural desire for sex. And it doesn't always figure these two natural longings will work in a long term relationship. That's sad.

Does a woman wholly give of herself because she believes the one she is attracted to feels the same way about her?  Unfortunately that is true in so many women's minds. They want something so badly they believe it must be reciprocated, because the object of her love must feel her love so much, he in turn, will love her. Sadly he may tire of this and move on to another conquest. Her romance has ended and she is left alone...again.

Romance. Attraction. Desire. But without respect for the others' feelings, care for their well being, and a willingness to put her needs first, that relationship will be temporary at best.

Enjoy dating. Have fun. But keep yourself pure. An old-fashioned word? Sure is, but building a lasting relationship based on sex alone means no commitment, no ties, and the freedom to leave whenever a new attraction hits. And a broken heart.

Look at these wise words:  "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Ask God to guide you into a true and lasting relationship. But first ask Him to forgive your sins and thank Jesus, His Son, who died to take the penalty for them to give you inner peace and to bring you to heaven when you die. God is Love.


FOLLOW ME on TWITTER:   @RitaSGalieh