FANNING the FLAME

It all starts with a little spark of interest and if we want it to go further that's the time to fan the flame. Author Kathleen Y'Barbo shares her story with us.

One of my favorite romantic experiences occurred when Robert showed up at a book signing in Fort Worth a month or so after we’d started dating wearing his Air Force uniform and carrying a dozen roses in various colors. The reason for multiple colors of blooms? He didn’t know which was my favorite and wanted to get it right, so he chose some of each. Along with the roses came an engraved invitation (literally) to visit him in Tulsa complete with every piece of tourist information he could find at the welcome center.

Q: How soon after meeting your spouse did you know he/she was the one?

Technically we met 35 years prior to our “meeting.” I considered Robert a good friend in high school, but I had lost track of him over the years. When we reconnected on Facebook, I just thought he was another guy from school to add to my friend list. A few weeks later he and his teenage daughter were coming through the town where I lived on his way to his high school reunion (he was one grade ahead of me in school). We made plans for the four of us to have dinner – Robert, me, and our teenage daughters – just dinner, nothing romantic because neither of us were interested in a relationship. In anticipation of that, we started talking on the phone. We would talk for hours, literally. When I finally met him again face-to-face I felt like no time had passed since the last time I’d seen him back in high school. So, I suppose the answer is after 35 years, I knew immediately.

Q: What is the most caring thing your spouse has ever done for you?

He does so much, but the thing he does that continues to amaze me is how protective he is of me. I never have to think about whether he will take care of things because he does. He’s quietly strong and the rock that I lean on. And, to my great delight, he notices things. Little things, big things, he’s aware of me – of us – and I find that absolutely amazingly wonderful.

Q: What is the most caring thing you’ve ever done for your spouse?

He claims it’s that I don’t try to talk to him when he’s playing video games. I think it’s that I’ve learned to like “Dr. Who” and “BBC’s Top Gear”. Seriously, I think it’s the sum total of all the little things. I love him, and I tell him so – a lot. And I show him through my actions, be it cooking a meal he likes, leaving him a note, or giving him a kiss when he’s not expecting it. Most important, I ask God every day to show me how to be the best wife I can to him.

Robert also said that the most caring thing I do for him is to let him be the man. I don’t point out his flaws (he says he already knows what they are) and I don’t tell him what to do. I just let him be who he is. I like that answer. And, for the record, I like who he is.

Thanks, Kathleen. I think we can all pick up some great thoughts here in keeping the romance alive in our relationship with our loved one.