HAPPILY EVER AFTER

George & Rita - Many years of happy marriage

Michaelangelo used the friction between his chisel and the rock to chip away—piece by piece—at stone and marble. Michelangelo didn’t sculpt like other sculptors. No, he didn’t believe he was creating something from nothing. Instead, he believed his slow, deliberate chiseling actually liberated what was already inside of the stone. He saw beautiful figures beneath the surface and considered it his responsibility as an artist to simply set them free.

Two years of chiseling later, Michelangelo had set David free—and in the process, he sculpted this unlovely piece of rock into one of history’s most renowned pieces of art.

Tyler Ward, author of  "Marriage Rebranded: Modern Misconceptions and the Unatural Art of Loving Another Person", goes on to say:

I think there’s more truth about marriage in this story than in most of our modern ideas about relationships. Marriage isn’t, in fact, our gateway to happily ever after. It’s more like a chisel in Divine hands. And though there’s plenty of friction involved, it’s designed to chip away at all the dysfunction in our lives and free the beautiful statues inside.

Interestingly, the Bible seems to agree with this picture that Michelangelo’s carving philosophy offers us. In fact, if you’re ever wondering who you can blame for this chiseling sensation in your marriage, Adam—the first human in the Bible—is your guy.

It all started when the first human on earth decided to name his wife after a hazardous chemical reaction. After having just been introduced to the only other human being on earth, he says, “She shall be called ishshah—woman, because she was taken out of ish—man.”

Ish and ishshah. I assume that though they have a certain ring to them, these won’t be topping your list of names for future kids. Even so, they paint a picture about marriage that answers many of our modern questions.
To start, both words are derived from the root word and Hebrew character esh, which means fire.
This means that the original word picture we have for the relationship between a man and a woman is an all-consuming, tireless-in-nature, potentially hazard-creating fire. And though this picture lends itself to the modern concept of heated romance or passionate love, the Bible consistently points to a different purpose of fire.

Fire happens to be one of the Bible’s primary metaphors for purification and personal development.

 It would seem that the relationship between two spouses—fire—as depicted by biblical accounts, is a source of personal refinement, designed to play a significant role in one’s process of growth and maturity. But hang with me—the biblical picture gets better.
In the New Testament, Paul the apostle goes on to compare love in marriage to the love Jesus showed humanity. He says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her [literally, purify her internally by the reformation of her soul], having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, . . . having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

 Tyler Ward's helpful extract from his book will be continued in a week's time. 

A Covenant Not a Contract

Ken and Pam were like typical young marrieds.
Then their children were born. They will take up their story.

That’s when our relationship began to develop cracks.  Ken’s seminary classes and study groups and Pam’s work schedule, together with balancing the needs of a 4 and 2 year old led us further away from one another (when we were together, it was usually arguing).  We found a short term solution when we discovered a seminary in Phoenix with evening classes and a more stable lifestyle for our family.

Just when we were starting to feel like our relationship was on solid ground, Pam's 22 year old sister, her brother-in-law and sister-in-law were killed in a car accident in Indiana.  A year after Jen’s death, Pam was severely depressed and Ken was doing everything he could to keep the family together while working a full time job and going to seminary at night.

A year later, we moved to San Diego.  We would love to say it was smooth sailing from that point on but there were still many obstacles to overcome.  It was our covenant before God and our tenacious commitment to accountability with other couples that we were able to stay in the ring!  We “survived” teenage children (our son decided to prove he was not a Pastor’s kid – he’s a High School Pastor today), job challenges and aging parents.

What made it work for us?  It’s the understanding that marriage is a covenant and not a contract – it’s a personal promise made before God, family and friends.  If you break that promise, it’s so much more than a contract ripped up – it’s an attack on personal integrity and family destroyed!

Through the years, we’ve grown to understand what it means to have a true best friend, to know what the other is thinking. We laugh, we cry, we work hard and play hard, and at the end of the day, we reflect on how blessed we are just to have stuck like glue!

THAT is the reason we are passionate about marriage – we made it and we know what it feels like!  If there is one wish we have for you – it’s that YOU make it too!

Wonderful advice from a couple who have proved their covenant with God worked.

FOLLOW ME on TWITTER:   @RitaSGalieh

REMINISCING

It's a special time for me as my beloved and I have just celebrated our wedding anniversary. At times like these we tend to think back on our lives together and remember the milestones.

This photo is a cover back when people listed to L.P.s (Long Playing records.) It was fun to record because our son who was studying violin at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music joined us and played a couple of duets with his dad. We included him as he would sometimes accompany us on our ministry trips.

We've retained this and now use it on a CD  with new original music I wrote some time later.

The photo was taken in our living room by the old pot bellied stove. We now live many miles away and this this old house is now the home and business of an estate agent. I guess because it's well placed on a busy street corner.

We constantly thank God for our marriage over these years. Like any marriage it's had it's 'ups and downs' but if there has ever been any discord between us, we never go to bed without getting things right and that includes saying "I'm sorry." We have learned to respect each others' differing opinions and act with courtesy (as you would with even a stranger.) And we have proved the old adage, "the family that prays together, stays together."

That's enough of my reminiscing for now, but as it was a special anniversary, I've enjoyed it. I really hope you, my dear reader, will try to remember to build up your own marriage relationship with love and care. It will always bless you in your own heart and soul. A joy filled marriage is close to the Lord's heart. 

Why don't you read I Corinthians chapter 13 in the Holy Bible for the true meaning of love.

Mark Twain on Marriage

Who knew writer Mark Twain was such a romantic? Here's his take on marriage:

A marriage makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it; it gives to questioning natures a reason for living and something to live for; it will give new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth and a new mystery to life.

And here's a modern translation of a message to wives from the Bible:

"Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God will be captivated by your life... 
What matters is not your outer appearance, but your inner disposition. Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead bless - that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also receive a blessing." (IPeter 3: 1-9. The Message)

 FOLLOW ME on TWITTER:  @RitaSGalieh

WHY PRAY TOGETHER?

My husband and I pray together most mornings. It has always been a great time to ask God about things that concern us both.

Here are some helpful reminders: 

Care deeply for one another. And learn to see things from the other's point of view.
Remember that marriage isn’t a competition! When you disagree, collaborate to find a solution that is the best for both of you.

Have fun! Don’t let your relationship become stale. 
Forgive one another, because we aren’t perfect. 
PRAY with and for one another. (And don’t pray that God will change your spouse, but that God will bless your spouse!) Prayer smooths out life’s bumps, turns conflict into resolution, and brings back that “loving feeling!”
When you pray for your spouse: You think about him/her more throughout your day.
If as a couple you are struggling, your heart will soften towards your spouse.
(James 5:16 – Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.)

When you pray together:

• You’re on the same level before a Holy God.
• Prayer unlocks communication between the two of you. If you can unlock the deepest parts of your heart to God, you’re free to do the same with your spouse.

FOLLOW ME on TWITTER :  @RitaSGalieh

A BRIDE'S PRAYER

Dear God,

The rehearsal's over, the church is quiet and dim and now our wedding, the day that we've looked forward to, dreamed about, saved for, and planned in every detail is almost here.

Although most marriages begin with so much love and such high expectations, they often seem to dwindle into boredom, or worse still, downright dislike. For there is no denying, God, that though we'd like to feel we know each other inside out, our marriage cannot help but be a journey of discovery.

We want to make our marriage work, but in the light of cold reality perhaps we'll need some help in order to live happily ever after.

So please be with us, God? Not simply in the church tomorrow but will you travel with us day by day and year by year, giving us all that we will need if we're to weather the sunshine and the storms we'll surely face.

Excerpt from: Dear God, It's Me and It's Urgent - 
Prayers for every season of a woman's life  by Marion Stroud

BEST FRIENDS for LIFE

I hadn't really thought of this before, but it's so true.

I met my husband at a Youth For Christ rally and found a real soul mate. We were both interested in serving the Lord and so discovered we had this in common.

We kept company for two years before we were finally married. In that time we began singing duets together in Christian services.

I had other nice boyfriends before, but I never seriously thought of being married to them. As love grew from our friendship we knew we wanted to spend our whole lives together.

We have never once regretted our decision and enjoy our times together in whatever we're doing. We are so grateful to the Lord for allowing us to meet as we truly feel two halves of a whole. As the Holy Bible says, "The two shall become one." I know some couples want to have time alone to do what they are interested in, but we simply want to share each of our interests together. That also applies to the household chores. I cook the meals and my darling husband washes the dishes. I never asked him to, but he likes to share the workload.

We have both learned to be forgivers. There are bound to be times in a marriage when disagreements arise and sometimes harsh words are said. It is then we remember the Bible tells us to "not let the sun go down upon your wrath." Then we admit our wrong treatment of the other and seek forgiveness. We try to work out the problem, 'give and take' style, then put it behind us. And never to hold grudges for if God has forgiven our sins, then why should we not forgive our loved one?

As the years go by we have grown even closer together and know that whichever one of us leaves the other in death, we will be reunited in heaven. Not as husband and wife, but as worshipers of the Lord Jesus Christ.

NO DOWRY

Sarawat and Asanee are a vibrant couple we met in Han Ka in the Chai-Na Province of Thailand.

Ajun (pastor) Sarawat found us on the internet and invited us through Ajun Somchai Soonthorntoorasuk who interprets for us. We were privileged to visit local schools, besides the church adjacent to his home. We thoroughly enjoyed Sarawat's sense of humor and Asanee's wonderful hospitality.

As usual I asked how they met.

Some years before, Asanee was the secretary of the director of a Buddhist Government  school and also the youth director in her church. She caught Sarawat's eye because she was so committed to serving the Lord. He finally got the courage to ask her on a date. But as they grew to love each other they were concerned about the possibility of marriage.

The fact he was a pastor who did not have a large income was the stumbling block. Both are Chinese and it is expected for a man to give the parents of his intended bride a good DOWRY. They both prayed about this, asking the Lord to make their path clear. However her Christian parents waived this custom because of their respect for his being a pastor.

Now some thirty years later, they are both involved in reaching their area, and Canaan Church has been the spring board to this mission field for the past four years. We were so blessed to become friends with this dedicated couple.

COLORADO MORNING SKY

This touching story was written by an author familiar with life in the American West. Her research into the way things were in the "olden days" is impeccable. Her descriptions of the Colorado landscape and some of its rough diamond characters made me feel as if I were there as an onlooker.

Short Description

Sixteen-year-old outlaw Jeremiah Rebourn is on his way to Yuma Prison. After Indians attack the prison wagon and force it over a bluff, he awakes to find himself the captive of a mysterious old man. For two long years, he digs gold out of the tunnel as a prisoner. 

Author A.J. Hawke

Even after he regains his freedom, the experience leaves him traumatized and he wanders until he finds a place at the mountain ranch of Elisha and Susana Evans. It takes him years to recover from his ordeal. Finally, he has his own ranch; and he meets Emily and marries her. But when a terrible secret is revealed that ties his beloved Emily to the trauma of his past, it threatens to destroy all that he has managed to make of his life. Can he forgive enough to move forward? Will he and Emily be able to turn to God  to rebuild their marriage?

This author touches on the psychological effects of trauma and how other caring Christians can help.

                                         

The MEANING of MARRIAGE

 Tim and Kathy Keller have been married for many years and have found the secret many wish for. 

“A man shall leave his father and 
mother and be united to his wife, 
and the two will become one flesh. 
This is a profound mystery.” -
Ephesians 5:31-32

Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at you and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, now look at you!’ ” Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel. 

My wife, Kathy, often says that most people, when they are looking for a spouse, are looking for a finished statue when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble. Not so you can create the kind of person you want, but rather because you see what kind of person Jesus is making. When Michelangelo was asked how he carved his magnificent David, his reply is reputed to have been, “I looked inside the marble and just took away the bits that weren’t David.” When looking for a marriage partner, each must be able to look inside the other and see what God is doing and be excited about being part of the process of liberating the emerging “new you.”

This is by no means a naïve, romanticized approach—rather it is brutally realistic. In this view of marriage, each person says to the other, “I see all your flaws, imperfections, weaknesses, dependencies. But underneath them all I see growing the person God wants you to be.” This is radically different from the search for “compatibility.” As we have seen, researchers have discovered that this term means we are looking for a partner who accepts us just as we are. This is the very opposite of that! The search for an ideal mate is a hopeless quest. This is also a radically different approach from the cynical or cold method of finding a spouse who can just deliver social status, financial security, or great sex.

If you don’t see your mate’s deep flaws and weaknesses and dependencies, you’re not even in the game.  But if you don’t get excited about the person your spouse has already grown into and will become, you aren’t tapping in to the power of marriage as spiritual friendship.  The goal is to see something absolutely ravishing that God is making of the beloved.  You see even now flashes of glory.  You want to help your spouse become the person God wants him or her to be.

When two Christians who fully understand this stand before the minister all decked out in their wedding finery, they realize they’re not just playing dress-up.  What they’re saying is that someday they are going to be standing not before the minister, but before the Lord.  And they will turn to see each other without spot and blemish.  And they hope to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servants.  Over the years you have lifted one another up to me.  You sacrificed for one another.  You held one another up with prayer and with thanksgiving.  You confronted each other.  You rebuked each other.  You hugged and you loved each other and continually pushed each other toward me.  And now look at you.  You’re radiant.”

Tim has written many books on this subject and you will find them on AMAZON.COM

BRIDES and BRIDESMAIDS

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride."
So the saying goes, But it was never true with my bridesmaids. Every one of them married fine Christian men.

This Victorian era painting is called, "The Reluctant Bride". Her bridesmaids seem to be comforting her and assuring her that she'll live happily ever after.

Somehow I don't think they convinced her. And I can't help but wonder why she seems so uneasy about her coming marriage. It looks to be only an hour or so away because she is already dressed, and the young girl is trying on her bridal headgear. And that is usually made of fresh flowers.

Was the marriage arranged? Was it a case of pre-wedding jitters? Whatever the case, I was touched at the sad expression on her face. Marriage is supposed to be a uniting of two souls to become one flesh as the Bible states so beautifully. In those days marriages were often forced upon young girls, and this is so in many cultures today.

If this were true in this young girl's situation, I would counsel her to ask God to give her the grace to love and honour her husband with her whole heart and mind and soul. Love is not just a feeling. Feelings come and go. Marriage is a commitment and even if pushed upon a young woman, if she makes up her mind to love her husband, it will only cement their relationship. "Love begets love" is a truism. And asking the Lord Jesus to come into her new life with her husband will both comfort and strengthen her resolve.

CHINA - Book on Marriage

 As a former corporate executive ,Andrew Yuan Da Tong is possibly China’s most famous proponent of marriage and parenting. He has been in ministry since the 1990s  in China, ZDL Books, are proud to be long-standing supporters of Andrew. His most recent book on marriage is entitled  Marriage, a Covenant for Life.

Andrew’s primary goal is to influence leaders, to share with them that their marriage is a reflection of their spiritual life and has a direct correlation to a healthy family and church. For many Chinese pastors, this is counter-intuitive. The perception is that ministry and service to the church come above their responsibility to their wife and family. This year alone, Andrew has conducted training sessions for over 12,000 people. He has spoken at the Three Self Patriotic Church, the Family churches and has been asked to teach at Yanjing Seminary.

 Some responses from pastors:

“This content is not from overseas. This is heartfelt and your teaching really touched us”
Pastor from Anhui Province

“We have never heard this before. When can you come back again?” Pastors from Wenzhou

Please pray for Andrew and his wife Erling's health and ministry as they increasingly devote themselves to sharing this desperately needed message.